Doug Husen asked some of us to write letters for his son Keanu's passage ceremony. I thought it might deserve repeating, so here it is .. enjoy ..

Dear Keanu,


When we as a society try to understand at what point a boy becomes a man. I would put forth that a man is a man from birth; a boy is just an age. Uninterrupted by Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection (see www.darwinawards.com) every boy will become a man by simply reaching the age of majority, saying that at some time before the age of 30 he has not accidently removed himself from the gene pool, he will probably be considered a man. Unfortunately most of these individuals have reproduced before our societies DNA has been cleansed , if for no other purpose than to provide entertainment to future generations with films such as “Jack Ass 15”.

What really becomes the sign of a man is our ability to use the frontal lobe of the brain; I like to call it our “Man Brain”. It doesn’t mean that you are a “Big Brain”, smarter than everyone else, it means you have chosen to utilize the part of your brain that God gave us making us different than the animals.

“The frontal lobe is an area in the brain of humans, located at the front of each cerebral hemisphere and positioned anterior to (in front of) the parietal lobes and above and anterior to the temporal lobes (i.e. directly behind the forehead or "temple"). It is separated from the parietal lobe by the post-central gyrus primary motor cortex, which controls voluntary movements of specific body parts associated with the precentral gyrus posteriorly, inferiorly by lateral sulcus [slyvian] which separates it from the temporal lobe, superiorly by the superior margin of the hemisphere and anteriorly by the frontal pole.


The frontal lobe contains most of the dopamine-sensitive neurons in the cerebral cortex. The dopamine system is associated with reward, attention, long-term memory, planning, and drive. Dopamine tends to limit and select sensory information arriving from the thalamus to the fore-brain. A report from the National Institute of Mental Health says a gene variant that reduces dopamine activity in the prefrontal cortex is related to poorer performance and inefficient functioning of that brain region during working memory tasks, and to slightly increased risk for schizophrenia."




The schizophrenia episodes that most males experience are followed by a person of authority saying “What were you thinking?”. This is generally spoken following a near death experience. The truth is you weren’t thinking, your Man Brain malfunctioned. That is generally a normal part of development, but shouldn’t be considered a point of achievement, rather a minor setback in development. If your Man Brain was functioning properly you would have kept your mouth shut, taken your foot off the gas pedal or said “I don’t think this is a good idea”.

To put it simpler, it’s your frontal lobe that makes you different than a simple ape. The frontal lobe is the part of our brain that works as a “Filter”. Let’s say that you are hanging with some friends, when one of them decides to hit on your girlfriend. The fact is that this idiot has the inability to see that you are actually superior to him in every way, except physically, he proceeds to encroach on your man territory. The fact that he outweighs you with 50lbs of muscle and bench presses 350lbs on a bad day should be enough to deter you from showing him you Wii karate moves. It is your highly developed frontal lobe (Man Brain) that keeps you from telling that ape what you really think of him. Notice I use the term “Ape” a clear sign of an underdeveloped Man Brain. Don’t confuse the ape reference to later years of your life when you develop back hair that resembles “The Great Silver-Backed Ape”. This should be recognized as a sign of prestige admired by all females of the species, this is why it is reserved for “Chronologically gifted males”.

It is also the Man Brain that generally keeps us swinging from trees, throwing our poop, and answering the question “Does this dress make me look fat?” You will find in the years to come that the size of your Man Brain does matter “Use it or lose it”. The use of your Man Brain will serve you well in every avenue of your life. Be careful showing your “Man Brain” to your friends as to seem arrogant, even though the female of the species will be appreciative of your talents.